He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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