i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was a blind-side dick pic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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