today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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