i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
