Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
