i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
