My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
