Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
