I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
