see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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