You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
