the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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