STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
