for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
