Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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