In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
