My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
