There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
