Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
