i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
