yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
