I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
