Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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