Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
