Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
