How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
