this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
