We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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