please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
this hospital has no fireball
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
