fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
