Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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