what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
