My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
