He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I could fuck to npr.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
