I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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