New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
