I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
