I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
