I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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