Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
