remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
