guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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