hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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