my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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