eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
