You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
do herpes really smell.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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