Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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