i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
