I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i drank out of a bidet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
