I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
