Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
