I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
