apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
