i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
